Truth Seeker’s Take

Blogs of Brainstorming. Stickies of Truths.

  • The Yes/No Epidemic

    If you spend time scrolling through Tik Tok, you may have noticed there is no shortage of “Readers” or Lives dedicated to answering Yes/No questions from their (sometimes) vast audience. It’s such a strong presence that often people come into my lives and immediately pose their question, assuming that is the format of my live. And to be honest, it’s not the most unreasonable assumption, considering how many rooms there are that follow that format. Unfortunately, I do not follow that format. As a matter of fact, I warn against it. And I’ll tell you why.

    I’m going to say some things in this blog that may offend people, or might hit a button a little bit harder than they’d like, or that they might just outright disagree with, or even think I’m speaking out of turn or from a place of judgment with no basis. But I’ll take my chances, because I am writing what I believe to be truth. And I absolutely do speak from experience. And I do believe this will help people.

    It was not all that long ago that I was getting readings (not just FREE readings either-but that’s another post) and was downright addicted to the Yes/No oracle. I would “live hop” constantly asking the same questions over and over again. And I did this until I annoyed myself. And I realized exactly what I was doing and exactly why it was NOT, in fact, helping me. See, we aren’t meant to live by Oracle like that. I’m not saying don’t go get readings, I’m saying don’t create a situation for yourself where you can’t get along without them; Don’t seek them to give you answers so that you can skirt accountability for decisions or attempt to obtain some guarantee for a decision you need to make. That’s not how it’s meant to be. We are meant to live by our intuition. When we get readings, they should be for assistance, guidance, uncovering messages we aren’t getting, finding some clarity, or navigating energies, not for ANSWERS-especially not all the time. Our guides are not our test takers, they are our tutors. They aren’t meant to give us all the answers-what would be the good for us in that? Why would we even incarnate? We are here to learn, not to cheat. If you need to cheat on a test by having someone else give you the answers, you aren’t learning. You’re here to learn. You are failing yourself.

    The Yes/No format is especially dangerous for a couple of reasons. First reason is because you can’t necessarily rely on prediction anyway. There are too many variables-including Free will-that affect outcome and timing. It’s a quick investment and seemingly quick “results” so you are more likely to want to repeat it. It gives a false since of security, thereby hindering your own acceptance, blocking your own healing, and disconnecting you from your own intuition, which is WHERE YOU SHOULD be seeking answers from.

    If you think about it, we don’t even believe the answers we get most of the time. We go to a room, get our answer, and then go to another room and get an answer from the next person. We do this until we are satisfied and Sweet Baby Jesus forbid if we get SIX yes’ and ONE no. We will focus on the one no and need 13 more readers to tell us yes. I heard a yes/no reader tell a person one time, “No, you are not doing a good job.” That was their yes/no question…’Am I doing a good job’…and the reader told them NO. Could you imagine being the person that heard that from a reader?

    Now we are going to talk about something that might be hard to hear. How did I stop live hopping for Yes/No answers? How did I overcome the need for Yes/No oracle and see them for how detrimental they really are? I slowly began to realize the answers were not helping me. I woke up and saw that all of this live hopping I was doing was driven by something inside of me that needed to be healed. Insecurity, Lack, Fear. They created a sense of urgency that consumed me to the point that I needed Yes/No answers. I needed to heal that and learn how to trusts my own intuition, learn how to live by my own truths and to be able to be confident in that. So I started working on it and healed myself past the need for those pesky yes/no oracle.

    I will tell anyone that comes into my live that I’m not a yes/no reader. I also won’t tap into a third party and read them for you (YIKES! Readers actually do that for people) because I believe in Ethics and consent. All of the information I get in a session is from directly from you and/or given by your guides (always with consent). I’m here to help YOU. To help you heal you, to help you find your most confident, authentic, and Intuitive self. How do I know I can do it? Because I have done it. But we won’t be talking about other people or predictions. We’ll be talking about YOU. You, and only you. Where you are at right now, how to meet you there and move you forward ❤️.

  • Eventually

    This is my confession. I’m an optimist. A sweet, dreamy, hopeful optimist that his hardwired to give the benefit of the doubt. I’m also scared. So I go through these cycles. And usually I am good to mind my business and focus on myself. But then I start to think about you. And I miss your voice. And every once in a while, I’ll actually get BRAVE and reach out. I don’t think you like that. I mean you’d answer me if you did, right?

    So, inevitably, once I’ve reached out I find myself here. My feelings hurt, my ego slightly bruised and my logical mind wondering why I did that…wondering if I’ll ever fucking learn. I promise you I’m more annoyed with me than you are. I’ll ask you not to judge me. I’m naive, not dumb, and there is a difference.

    Eventually, I’ll transition from that perspective that is just brimming with that positive dreamy optimism and I’ll realize that I am actually being dumb. I’ll realize that there is a reason we only have this singular way to communicate. If you wanted it different, it would be different. I’ll realize why you are supernatural. If you wanted what I want you wouldn’t be. I’ll understand that the purpose I serve for you is not what I’d hoped it to be and definitely not the same as what you mean to me. Otherwise we’d have the good stuff all the time. And when I get there, I’ll trade my naivety in for the cold hard truth and I’ll let it hurt until it does its job, and convinces me to remove myself fully and completely.

    Eventually, I’ll stop calling stupid ‘BRAVE’ and I’ll actually be brave enough to see the truth. And I’ll shake the dreamy hopeful optimist, at least in this case, and I’ll stop reaching out, ever. I’ll stop bothering you. Stop getting on both of our nerves. I’ll just disappear. I’ll be gone. Until then please don’t see me poorly. It’s not entirely my fault that I found myself here. But it is entirely my fault that I stayed. And I’m probably closer than I’ve ever been, and yeah it takes me a while. That’s my nature. But I will figure it out, however long it takes me and I will wake up to the realizations that you don’t want back, or see me worthy, or whatever other thing that I don’t yet fully realize that makes me stay open for you. And the way I stay open for you? I will remedy that…eventually.

  • The struggle is real

    Let me just tell you, it’s tough enough to be a spiritual person. You work at it every single day. But to be human, to feel all the things is the most difficult part. Why? Maybe it’s because I feel them so deeply? Maybe it’s because I’m not scared of them anymore? Maybe it’s because I move through them instead of trying to push them down? Maybe it’s because I’ve healed to a ‘higher than I used to be’ vibrational state? Who knows why. “Why” is a tricky question anyway. I mean do we NEED to know why? Not necessarily, not usually. If it truly brings clarity, then we will ‘remember’ why, right?

    So here we go, a glimpse into my life. If you know me, you know I’ve been divorced for…shit…ok, altogether I’ve been a single mom for 7…8…years. It’s crazy I can’t get that numbers straight off the top of my head. Anyway it’s accurate enough. When I left my ex, I promised myself…not another motherfucker EVER. And I was FINE. I was perfect. Not just surviving, but thriving. And then…

    You know what’s coming. In the last year, I met someone. And fuck all if he didn’t just swoop the fuck in, make me feel some shit, and then…I don’t even know what. I don’t blame him. I am quite fond of him. I am the one that broke the promise to myself. I let him in. I made that choice. Why him? He wasn’t the first to try, and I held strong for so long and so many. But I buckled. I like to say it took a minute, but if I’m being honest, I crumbled pretty fucking fast. Still, I was stand offish, I was weary. I do not, under any circumstances, want to feel bad with someone ever again. Do I even WANT to be with someone. I must because I find myself thinking about him. Dreaming about him. Like what the actual fuck. I don’t like this y’all. I fought it for a long time. Tried to play it cool, keep my embarrassment in check. Not be intimidated by him. I may have failed. I can’t keep my flirts off of him, let’s be honest. Not for lack of trying. Now, I’m over here holding back as much as I can. And I was in meditation one day and my guides were calling me out. Just be yourself. And I insisted I was and I just didn’t want to play any stupid games…because there is a tendency he has. And I don’t take it personally but it does sting a bit. And they told me to reach out right now. And I said no, I was the last one to reach out, the balls in his court, he knows where I stand, I don’t want to bother him…and they said not reaching out when you want to is a stupid game. And so I said ok and I reached out. And things have, indeed, shifted.

    But all things have shifted. All of a sudden I’m struggling everywhere. EVERYWHERE. And you know I teach this stuff. Every obstacle is a lesson, an opportunity to demonstrate mastery and I am, I think, killing it. But it is still a space of discomfort. And it’s, at the moment, very last minute, just in time sort of energy. I know what the lesson is and its potentially the most difficult lesson I’ve ever had to learn. Because I grew up working my ass off for survival money. I grew up to believe that if you have to work 12 hours a day, 6 days a week to pay your bills then you fucking did it. The universe has been teaching me different lessons lately. About balance, about what the important things are, and how money isn’t good or evil. It’s just the most sought after form of energetic abundance there is. But listen to this…Money is not the only form of abundance. It’s just the focus. Everybody fucking needs, wants, or has money. But money is useless without YOU and the current system to give it its power. What if tomorrow ALL the money was void of value? And you guys need to start thinking about this because it is coming. Then what? What if a different form of energy was valued instead? Your worlds would change.

    So what are we learning? One, we need not worship any form of abundance. Two, we need to learn to accept abundance in all forms. You got food to eat? Abundance. You got a car to drive? Abundance. You got love in your home? Abundance. You got your favorite cold coffee to drink? Abundance. You got multiple repeat clients? Abundance. You got an obstacle pending to teach you a lesson? Abundance.

    This is the nature of the alchemy of gratitude. And this is where I am at. Because my intrusive thoughts are fucking with my gratitude. I woke up this morning worried, anxious, and full of doubt. I am working through these feelings, but there is a new one that has been creeping in recently when I’m having these little moments that test me. And it is because I recently found out that my…Merlin…is in no short supply of THAT abundance. And I am struggling with that. It shouldn’t change anything but it plays on my self worth. Because I don’t have what he has…not in THAT form. And what if he doesn’t view me as worthy now (but did he even ever)? What if he thinks I want him because of that? What if he has all the choice in the world of whomever he wants…why the fuck would he choose me? These are the intrusive thoughts, y’all. This is not truth. Because I am, in fact, amazing. Anybody can make money but not anyone can (or will) tread the waters I’m willing to tread, look at truth straight in the eye and dare it to be anything but, stand in truth in a way that most people aren’t capable of and I don’t fucking flinch at it.

    The strength of me, the power of me, the magic in me. It’s in everyone but I am not afraid of it. And so I tell my intrusive thoughts…well, if that’s the case, fuck him then. Because I’ve been fine by myself for damn near a decade. If he thinks I’m ‘fast’ he doesn’t know me. I’m comfortable in this, because I have been literally celibate since my separation. I know he doesn’t KNOW that but I don’t care, I am comfortable in my knowing. If he thinks I’m a bitch, he doesn’t know me. And he hasn’t been paying attention for the last 8 months AT ALL. So fuck him. And I’m comfortable in that knowing. If he thinks I’m digging for gold, he doesn’t know me because that’s not who I am. For me, it’s off putting, not attractive. When I realized how…endowed…he was…is, it made me take a step back because I was intimidated and didn’t like the idea of that. That kind of shit can ruin a person. Was he ruined already? Would I get ruined? And I had to really work with being bothered by his judgment here. I don’t know why. I should be just as comfortable in my knowing here as I am in all the others. His perspective is his wound to heal. But It’s different somehow. As if this opinion would carry more weight…but it’s because it’s a trigger I need to work through. Because I am struggling with the idea of someone saving me. Because I am suddenly in a struggle scenario right now, and I’m a proud person. And I WILL NOT HAVE IT. I will NOT be saved. I will save my damn self. I’ve been doing this alone for long enough and I know I can continue to do so. I’m not, by any means, looking to be saved. That kind of shit can ruin someone too. So this is my lesson. This is why I’m experiencing struggle all of a sudden and why I’m triggered by his perception of my worth in relation to his form of abundance. Because I shouldn’t care about his perception of my worth. I should only be worried about my own. And I need to remind myself that my perception of his worth is based on a soul connection and had nothing to do with THAT form of abundance. It was there before I realized he had it and, if anything, it made me think twice because I understand the potential dangers of access to that and I’m uncomfortable with it. Again…something I need to work through.

    And that’s where I am at. I am now shadow working and healing some things that are part of that perspective. That struggle. That trigger. And I am focusing on gratitude and self love. I am learning that if he can’t choose to hold all of me, the magic and the mother…the dragon and the maid…the mystic and the chef…the healer and the human…then does he even deserve me?

  • The comfort in Chaos

    I had a major realization today. I’m far too comfortable in Chaos. I’m actually uncomfortable when there is no chaos. I don’t trust peace. I don’t trust my safety in peace. 🤯 This is from a lifetime of survivor’s mode. I have, for as long as I can remember, been guided by necessity; motivated by pain; directed by chaos; informed by crisis. What a significantly sad thing to realize. That peace is not (YET) an ally.

    If you know me, I’m as even keeled as any person you’ll ever meet. That’s not just a byproduct of my astrological chart or in my DNA. That’s from a fucking lifetime of managing crises and chaos. Ever hear that in order to be truly happy you have to find peace in chaos. That’s not the whole truth, y’all. Because I can fucking do that. I mean…best of the best kind of ‘can do that’. It’s scary how good I can do that. Because I learned to thrive in it. The whole truth is that you have to ALSO learn to feel peace and safety and security in peace. Nobody tells you but that’s the hard part.

    I literally freeze when I don’t have something to fix. No fire to put out? No cause to advocate? No help to be given? In those times I need to figure out how to be…and enjoy…and JUST be. How do we do that? I don’t fucking know I just got this realization today. I guarantee you this…I’ll be taking notes along the way and building guidance on the other side. Because this is…this is tough. Did I just do it again?

  • If he wanted to he would

    “If he wanted to, he would.”  Why it isn’t necessarily true.  And why it doesn’t even matter.

    If he wanted to he would.  OOOF.  It’s pretty blunt; Harsh, even.  A dagger to your pride, painted up as empowerment like a fucking happy tree on a Bob Ross Canvas.   It feels like gospel when you’re tired of wondering, tired of hoping.   And sometimes, yes, it cuts through delusion…through hope…quite effectively.  Because it can be true.  And it may be, for some of us, exactly what we need to hear.   But let’s not pretend it’s the whole truth.

    Because here’s the whole, complex, NOT oversimplified truth:

    “If he wanted to, he would” assumes he’s:

    • Aware of what you need
    • Capable of delivering it
    • Emotionally available enough to act on that want
    • Healed enough not to sabotage it
    • Brave enough to face intimacy
    • Free enough from ego, shame, or fear
    • Skilled enough to act in ways that you would recognize as love

    I know.  That’s a lot.  Imagine.  It is, indeed, a tall order.  Most people are stumbling their way through just one of those, let alone all.  And one might argue that if ‘he really wanted to, he would’ anyway.  But take a minute here and think up some generalization.  Some blanket statement that seems ‘safe’ or reasonable in a broad stroke.  Everyone likes Pizza, Women want large families, Men are players, Sales people lie for money.  Not a single one of them, even if they could be proven in a sample, are without exception.  

    So is it significant? Sure, but not in the way Tik Tok preaches at you. The phrase is a diagnostic tool, not a universal law. If you want to chase this butterfly, it begs a deeper question: Is he not doing the thing because he doesn’t want to—or because he can’t (right now, or at all)?

    Wanting isn’t always enough. People can want you and still ghost you. People can want to be better and still blow it. Hell, you can want to change your life and still sit on the couch eating ice cream at 2 a.m. watching reruns of Supernatural. Want is only potential. Capacity is the efficacy.  Action is the fulfillment.  You gotta have all three.

    Now the kicker.  Does it even fucking matter?  If you catch the right butterfly in your little “Do I really need to know” net, will it help you?   Not likely.  Knowing ‘why he isn’t’ doesn’t change the fact that he isn’t.  

    Let’s switch our train of thought.  Maybe the real question you need to ask:

    Do I want to be with someone who won’t, even if he wants to?  This answer-your answer to this, not his answer to that-is the important answer.  Because you can’t determine his answer.  You can’t determine whether he wants to and won’t, or whether he just doesn’t want to.  YOU CAN’T KNOW.  So don’t chase that answer.  Chase your own.

    Because you deserve want + will + action.

    And even if he IS stuck in the gap between “want to” and “would”—

    Don’t you deserve better than to wait there for him?  

    And even if ‘if he wanted to he would’ could actually mean ‘If he wanted to, and was healed enough to act on his want, he would.’  What does that change for you?

    If he’s not showing up, It doesn’t matter why, especially with your boundaries in mind.  It only matters that you recognize that it’s not because you weren’t enough or because you were too much.  YOU are perfect.

    Whether or not it’s because he didn’t want to or because—right now—he couldn’t, that’s not a reflection of your worth. That’s a mirror for his readiness.

    You are not here to be tolerated, postponed, partially loved, or sometimes wanted.  You are the prize.  You are the reward.  You are the goal.  Let yourself weed out those who are not worthy.  Let the brave in.  Let the ready in.  Let the rest be.

    Because you aren’t asking for bullshit.  You aren’t asking for ‘that’ll do.’  You aren’t settling.  You are demanding the worthy.  You are requiring devotion.  And  you deserve nothing less.  Let those motherfuckers know it.